The Downsides of Chasing Perfection and Some Practices for Change 

By Jewel Ray Chaudhuri, Ph.D. 

The Downsides of Chasing Perfection 

What has your negative self talk playing havoc in your head these days?

Well, you guessed it. That word ‘perfection’ has our gremlins and negative self-talk going especially in this time of holidays when we say that “it’s got to be perfect.”

But what are the downsides when you chase perfection and set the expectation that it’s (or I) have to be perfect?  Here are just a few:

An Expectation that Can’t Be Met:
You’ve set up an expectation of perfection and when you don’t get it or it falls short, you come to believe the day, event, or hour has been ruined.  

Perfection leads to Procrastination: 
“I’ll only send it out or do that video and let others see it when it’s perfect.” Guess, what

, It’s an unfinished project and all that wisdom that someone could have used has not made it’s way out into the world. 

It Takes up a lot of Time and Energy to Chase Perfection:
Valuable time that could be spent doing things that you love once the project is finished and out the door. Not to mention the spending time in your head with the should and could haves and other judgments that you’re experiencing and sap your energy so you don’t move forward. 

So what can you do instead?

• Let go of the need to be perfect. Easier said than done, right? So, how about laughing at those imperfect moments and letting them go. “I’m or it’s a work in progress” comes to mind here.  
• Set an intention for how you want yourself to be. “I want to have fun”, “I want to be curious”, I want to make a delicious or edible casserole.  
• Choose other words to replace the word ‘perfect’. Good enough, my personal best, excellence are all good replacements. 
• If perfection leads to procrastination set a time frame for getting your project out the door, imperfections and all. 
• Ask yourself: “what’s the worst that can happen?” and “did I survive? 
• When the gremlins start to move in and you start to beat yourself up, stop, literally shake it off, breathe, and switch to a new phrase such as “what worked,” “what I learned.” 

The practice of allowing your imperfect self to shine should release some of the stress and tension we’re facing this holiday season and beyond. 

When I was a girl and ready to make my Confirmation, I bucked my mother over the Confirmation Name I would choose. It was Rose for my Mom after my father’s mother. For me it was Joan and I wouldn’t relent in my choice. She was my role model–Joan of Arc–who fought to recover France from English domination in the 1400s.

I’m reminded of Joan during this time of pandemic because she donned male clothing and rode with the French army into battle. Did you know that she was illiterate? Yet, she had a vision (literally) and was able to fulfill the dream of saving France.

Role models, especially for us as women, serve as examples of resilience, defying the obstacles and the stories we tell ourselves that hold us back; possessing the qualities we need to keep us going: as Moms, business owners, leaders, care givers.

Different people can serve as role models: historical figures like Joan of Arc, our children, a parent, a colleague–even a fictional character. Who is your role model?

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Queen Elizabeth was clearly born with her destiny assured. Many of us–not so lucky. Instead, we need to take charge of our own destiny. We can map out and take control of where we’re headed in our careers and in what we want to achieve in  our personal lives.  We can look at the word “destiny” as meaning ‘fate’ or we can view it in more pragmatic terms as a ‘destination’.

Women of Power see and focus on the destination. They know what they want and focus on the end result as attainable, taking meaningful steps to take them there.  Here are some questions to ask yourself in terms of your destination for 2017 and some next actions to get you on your way. (more…)

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by Jewel Ray Chaudhuri, Ph.D.

Imagine yourself about to enter a room. A networking event, perhaps, or an important meeting with your team.

What are the emotions you feel as you are about to enter that room? Anger? Apprehension? Fear? Curiousity? Perhaps, even joy? (more…)

As humans, we’re imperfect beings. Yet, as women we often strive for perfection. Where does this strive for perfection lead us?  It may lead to procrastination, where we feel it or we has to be perfect to even start or to get our work out there. Or. it may lead to overwork where we don’t ask others for help because only we can do it “right” or perfectly. Taken to the extreme, we may become workaholics. And certainly, both of these approaches leads to stress and being out of balance. Plus, we’re missing out on some great opportunities for connection and compassion.

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