Regrets . . .Do they have value?

By: | Posted in: Blog | Thursday, Jul 4, 2019 - 11:39am

I was scanning Brené Brown’s book Rising Strong searching to see if I could find writing on self-sabotage. Instead, I stumbled across a passage on regrets of all things. Particularly relevant to me, since I am regretting not taking action on something. What struck me were the words, . . . “regret is a kind of package deal: a function of empathy, it’s a call to courage and a path to wisdom. (p. 211)”


I don’t know if you are like me. I always thought that I was better off not regretting anything. That to have regrets meant that I had not lived well or not loved well. That I would always do the right thing at the right moment and live my life according to my values. Maybe, instead of admitting to having regrets, we chalk it up to saying, “it was meant to be this way.” For, to have regrets is to admit that we are vulnerable, often viewed as a sign of weakness, when in actuality, it can be a sign of strength.

Brown calls into question this notion by saying ” to live without regret is to believe that you have nothing to learn, no amends to make, and no opportunity to be braver with your life. (Ibid) Living without regrets doesn’t propel us forward in living life. It may actually keep us stuck in the safety of our comfort zone. There is a song that I keep on my iPod and listen to periodically. It’s Jana Stanfield’s “If I Were Brave.”

The song calls on us

“to walk the razor’s edge . . . trusting the hero in me. What step would I take today if I were brave? What would the voice of courage whisper in your ear?

In attempting to do something about the thing we regret, we need courage and the willingness to leave what is safe. Regrets, I now believe, teach us this.

What would you do today if you were brave?

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