The Downsides of Chasing Perfection and Some Practices for Change 

By Jewel Ray Chaudhuri, Ph.D. 

The Downsides of Chasing Perfection 

What has your negative self talk playing havoc in your head these days?

Well, you guessed it. That word ‘perfection’ has our gremlins and negative self-talk going especially in this time of holidays when we say that “it’s got to be perfect.”

But what are the downsides when you chase perfection and set the expectation that it’s (or I) have to be perfect?  Here are just a few:

An Expectation that Can’t Be Met:
You’ve set up an expectation of perfection and when you don’t get it or it falls short, you come to believe the day, event, or hour has been ruined.  

Perfection leads to Procrastination: 
“I’ll only send it out or do that video and let others see it when it’s perfect.” Guess, what

, It’s an unfinished project and all that wisdom that someone could have used has not made it’s way out into the world. 

It Takes up a lot of Time and Energy to Chase Perfection:
Valuable time that could be spent doing things that you love once the project is finished and out the door. Not to mention the spending time in your head with the should and could haves and other judgments that you’re experiencing and sap your energy so you don’t move forward. 

So what can you do instead?

• Let go of the need to be perfect. Easier said than done, right? So, how about laughing at those imperfect moments and letting them go. “I’m or it’s a work in progress” comes to mind here.  
• Set an intention for how you want yourself to be. “I want to have fun”, “I want to be curious”, I want to make a delicious or edible casserole.  
• Choose other words to replace the word ‘perfect’. Good enough, my personal best, excellence are all good replacements. 
• If perfection leads to procrastination set a time frame for getting your project out the door, imperfections and all. 
• Ask yourself: “what’s the worst that can happen?” and “did I survive? 
• When the gremlins start to move in and you start to beat yourself up, stop, literally shake it off, breathe, and switch to a new phrase such as “what worked,” “what I learned.” 

The practice of allowing your imperfect self to shine should release some of the stress and tension we’re facing this holiday season and beyond. 

When I was a girl and ready to make my Confirmation, I bucked my mother over the Confirmation Name I would choose. It was Rose for my Mom after my father’s mother. For me it was Joan and I wouldn’t relent in my choice. She was my role model–Joan of Arc–who fought to recover France from English domination in the 1400s.

I’m reminded of Joan during this time of pandemic because she donned male clothing and rode with the French army into battle. Did you know that she was illiterate? Yet, she had a vision (literally) and was able to fulfill the dream of saving France.

Role models, especially for us as women, serve as examples of resilience, defying the obstacles and the stories we tell ourselves that hold us back; possessing the qualities we need to keep us going: as Moms, business owners, leaders, care givers.

Different people can serve as role models: historical figures like Joan of Arc, our children, a parent, a colleague–even a fictional character. Who is your role model?

I was scanning Brené Brown’s book Rising Strong searching to see if I could find writing on self-sabotage. Instead, I stumbled across a passage on regrets of all things. Particularly relevant to me, since I am regretting not taking action on something. What struck me were the words, . . . “regret is a kind of package deal: a function of empathy, it’s a call to courage and a path to wisdom. (p. 211)” (more…)

Queen Elizabeth was clearly born with her destiny assured. Many of us–not so lucky. Instead, we need to take charge of our own destiny. We can map out and take control of where we’re headed in our careers and in what we want to achieve in  our personal lives.  We can look at the word “destiny” as meaning ‘fate’ or we can view it in more pragmatic terms as a ‘destination’.

Women of Power see and focus on the destination. They know what they want and focus on the end result as attainable, taking meaningful steps to take them there.  Here are some questions to ask yourself in terms of your destination for 2017 and some next actions to get you on your way. (more…)

Today, Kelly Ripa, the co-host of an ABC morning show stood up for the importance of respect in the workplace and earned a well-needed apology from her bosses for not letting her know sooner of her co-host’s departure. The situation could be any. What matters is that a woman used her power to take action to right a wrong that she had experienced. This will be a well-televised example, but it leads to the question: Female Leaders: Are you giving away your power in the workplace?
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A few days ago, I had a conversation with two young people. We were speaking about how lives are transformed through learning experientially with practices such as meditation. The young woman shared an experience from childhood: being sent to the back of the line because of her height. She created an assessment or judgment that she would always be at the back of the line, an assessment that she carried around for years. Her experience reminded me of my own, an experience that prevented me from speaking up in class. Does this sound familiar? How many of us have had experiences, seemingly innocent, that we carry around for years and that render us powerless and cause us to think and feel “I am less than,” “I am not enough.”

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This is the time of year when we are particularly conscious of gifts and blessings. It’s the time when we thank those around us and tell them we appreciate them. Yet, the practice of gratitude is something we can learn to do on a daily basis through out the year and has some great effects on our health, energy level, and the ability to turn around situations and see new possibilities for ourselves.  (more…)

by Jewel Ray Chaudhuri, Ph.D.

Imagine yourself about to enter a room. A networking event, perhaps, or an important meeting with your team.

What are the emotions you feel as you are about to enter that room? Anger? Apprehension? Fear? Curiousity? Perhaps, even joy? (more…)

As humans, we’re imperfect beings. Yet, as women we often strive for perfection. Where does this strive for perfection lead us?  It may lead to procrastination, where we feel it or we has to be perfect to even start or to get our work out there. Or. it may lead to overwork where we don’t ask others for help because only we can do it “right” or perfectly. Taken to the extreme, we may become workaholics. And certainly, both of these approaches leads to stress and being out of balance. Plus, we’re missing out on some great opportunities for connection and compassion.

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How Well Do You Maintain Balance?

If trying to maintain balance in your life makes you feel like a tightrope walker, you’re not alone. Most of us have so many demands on our time and energy, life can feel like a three-ring circus. Take this quiz to see how well you are meeting responsibilities, while also recognizing and fulfilling personal needs and wants. (more…)

Networking is a great tool for building relationships and increasing our business contacts. Yet, some women (and some men, too) are reluctant to get out there. They fear that they are “selling” or being phony. With some practice and following a few tips, we can become better at this important skill. (more…)

Sometimes, we accommodate others for fear we’ll have lost an opportunity. Sometimes, it goes much deeper as we were taught to put others before ourselves, that we were “nice girls” and it was our place to do so. My question becomes: How can we better advocate for ourselves so that we share equally in the prize without giving up what we fully deserve?

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In this blog post you will find a recap from a 9/4/14 telecal, where I explored the topic of reclaiming your power, and spoke about 8 ways in which we give up power as women and 7 tips for reclaiming our power.

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Female Role Models. Are there any in Corporate America?  you may be asking. The 13^th floor was where the top executives in the corporation for which I worked had their offices.Pictures of past presidents and chairmen lined the halls. Reminiscent of male bastions of power, female pictures were noticeably absent.

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The stories we tell ourselves can take hold of us for days, weeks or even years. They can produce drama and a whole host of things we tell ourselves. It produces, anger, sorrow, sadness and often self-doubt, especially for us as women. The hold of the story is laden with emotional baggage, often taking us back to the past rather than being in the present. It can cause the “should” or “if only”, or better yet, “if I had done x, then y would or wouldn’t have happened”. And sometimes, the story shifts to blame. “Well, if she hadn’t done x, then he wouldn’t have done y”.

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