The Downsides of Chasing Perfection and Some Practices for Change
By: Jewel Ray Chaudhuri, Ph.D. | Posted in: Blog | Monday, Dec 7, 2020 - 11:29amThe Downsides of Chasing Perfection and Some Practices for Change
By Jewel Ray Chaudhuri, Ph.D.
The Downsides of Chasing Perfection
What has your negative self talk playing havoc in your head these days?
Well, you guessed it. That word ‘perfection’ has our gremlins and negative self-talk going especially in this time of holidays when we say that “it’s got to be perfect.”
But what are the downsides when you chase perfection and set the expectation that it’s (or I) have to be perfect? Here are just a few:
An Expectation that Can’t Be Met:
You’ve set up an expectation of perfection and when you don’t get it or it falls short, you come to believe the day, event, or hour has been ruined.
Perfection leads to Procrastination:
“I’ll only send it out or do that video and let others see it when it’s perfect.” Guess, what
, It’s an unfinished project and all that wisdom that someone could have used has not made it’s way out into the world.
It Takes up a lot of Time and Energy to Chase Perfection:
Valuable time that could be spent doing things that you love once the project is finished and out the door. Not to mention the spending time in your head with the should and could haves and other judgments that you’re experiencing and sap your energy so you don’t move forward.
So what can you do instead?
- Let go of the need to be perfect. Easier said than done, right? So, how about laughing at those imperfect moments and letting them go. “I’m or it’s a work in progress” comes to mind here.
- Set an intention for how you want yourself to be. “I want to have fun”, “I want to be curious”, I want to make a delicious or edible casserole.
- Choose other words to replace the word ‘perfect’. Good enough, my personal best, excellence are all good replacements.
- If perfection leads to procrastination set a time frame for getting your project out the door, imperfections and all.
- Ask yourself: “what’s the worst that can happen?” and “did I survive?
- When the gremlins start to move in and you start to beat yourself up, stop, literally shake it off, breathe, and switch to a new phrase such as “what worked,” “what I learned.”
The practice of allowing your imperfect self to shine should release some of the stress and tension we’re facing this holiday season and beyond.
When I was a girl and ready to make my Confirmation, I bucked my mother over the Confirmation Name I would choose. It was Rose for my Mom after my father’s mother. For me it was Joan and I wouldn’t relent in my choice. She was my role model–Joan of Arc–who fought to recover France from English domination in the 1400s.
Today, Kelly Ripa, the co-host of an ABC morning show stood up for the importance of respect in the workplace and earned a well-needed apology from her bosses for not letting her know sooner of her co-host’s departure. The situation could be any. What matters is that a woman used her power to take action to right a wrong that she had experienced. This will be a well-televised example, but it leads to the question: Female Leaders: Are you giving away your power in the workplace?
A few days ago, I had a conversation with two young people. We were speaking about how lives are transformed through learning experientially with practices such as meditation. The young woman shared an experience from childhood: being sent to the back of the line because of her height. She created an assessment or judgment that she would always be at the back of the line, an assessment that she carried around for years. Her experience reminded me of my own, an experience that prevented me from speaking up in class. Does this sound familiar? How many of us have had experiences, seemingly innocent, that we carry around for years and that render us powerless and cause us to think and feel “I am less than,” “I am not enough.”
omething we can learn to do on a daily basis through out the year and has some great effects on our health, energy level, and the ability to turn around situations and see new possibilities for ourselves. 
